Keep in mind that I haven’t seen any of these shows, so my opinion basically means nothing. So, take it with a grain of salt, or take it as gospel, I don’t care (Actually I do, choose the latter).
‘666 Park Avenue’: So, basically a couple lives in a creepy old house, and then creepy stuff proceeds to happen in said house. This sounds like ‘American Horror Story’, except on network TV, and hopefully not as terrible. It stars Terry O’Quinn (that guy from ‘Lost’ that everybody loves, but I haven’t seen it yet, so I couldn’t care less about him) and Vanessa Williams (that “chick” from ‘Ugly Betty’ who I’m pretty sure played a transsexual or is actually a transsexual, I don’t know, either way I never watched it either). So yeah, I don’t usually like these types of shows, but I’ll probably check out the pilot then regret it.
‘Last Resort’: Not much snark to be had here, I’m genuinely looking forward to this. I’m a huge fan of Shawn Ryan as ‘The Shield’ is one of my favourite shows of all time and ‘Terriers’ is one of the greatest shows never to have made it past a first season. Also, Andre Braugher is in this, I mean c’mon, who’s more awesome than Andre Braugher? No one, that’s who. I’ll be watching the hell out of this, even though Scott Speedman is in this, but hey, look! Autumn Reeser’s in this as well! Back on board.
‘Malibu Country’: A new Reba McEntire sitcom. I don’t even know where to go with this, it just looks horrendous. I guess ABC had to fill the gap left by ‘Work It’ with something…
‘Nashville’: Connie Britton vs. Hayden Panettiere against the backdrop of Country music? Don’t get me wrong, country music is one of the worst things ever perpetrated on our civilization, but Connie Britton is one of the greatest things ever bestowed on us lowly beings, plus Hayden Panettiere is nice to look at. Also, Powers Boothe is in this, who I hope is playing some evil music executive, constantly twirling his mustache while he puts his feet up on a mahogany desk, back-lit by the reflection of countless platinum records adorning his wall. Meh, I’ll probably watch the pilot.
‘The Neighbors’: Now THIS looks like a suitable replacement for ‘Work It’. Aliens in the suburbs? This will be cancelled after three episodes.
‘Elementary’: Sherlock Holmes is cool, I guess, but enough with the adaptations, I get it, he solves crimes all British-like. Lucy Liu, fresh off being most recently awesome on ‘Southland’, plays Watson, which could be cool I guess. But, Johnny Lee Miller is Sherlock, ughhhhh, he’s the most boring thing to come out of the UK since The Beatles tortured us with their overrated records. It’s also a procedural, which is probably the biggest turn off for me, but hopefully there’s some nice through-line or big bad that’ll make me wanna stick with it.
‘Made In Jersey’: A show about a lawyer from New Jersey? Ummm, okay, that’s it? I guess this is just a new excuse to make “New Jersey” sucks jokes after ‘Jersey Shore’ goes off the air. But, I guess to be fair, we’ve never needed an excuse before to make “Jersey” sucks jokes.
‘Partners’: A sitcom on CBS, so yeah, it’s gonna suck and go at the lowest brand of humour. Not even David Krumholtz can save this, I bet.
‘Vegas’: This looks like it could be either the best new show or the worst new show, crumbling under the weight of it’s setting, story, actors and being a “cable-esque show on network”. The cast looks pretty great, Dennis Quaid, who has seemingly given up on feature films, Carrie-Anne Moss (Hey! Where have you been!?), and Jason O’Mara, free from all those dinosaurs, round out the cast. But, most importantly, this show demands your attention just to see Michael Chiklis where a hat. I’ll be watching this intently and praying it doesn’t suck.
‘Arrow’: Like ‘Smallville’ but with the Green Arrow! I know, it doesn’t excite me either. This just in, I’m informed Katie Cassidy is in this. ‘Arrow’ is now my most anticipated fall show.
‘Beauty And The Beast’: Another lame remake of a remake thats been remade several times (remake, remake, remake). I got the message about inner beauty about 20 years ago when I first saw this, enough already, CW. I don’t need Kristin Kreuk to help explain it to me again.
‘Emily Owen, M.D.’: Pretty inventive title, eh? I actually just looked this show up to find out what it’s about, intern doctors, duh, and saw Mamie Gummer is the lead. The presence of Mamie Gummer means we can NEVER make fun of this show, sorry guys.
‘Ben And Kate’: Not much to say here, Nat Faxon is funny I guess. I’ll check it out but not sure how much staying power it’ll have.
‘The Mindy Project’: This seems like it’ll be even more cutesy than ‘New Girl’, somehow. I like Kaling though and I hope she has full reign over the show like some tyrant forcing her minions (writers) to spit out great comedy, or else!!!
‘The Mob Doctor’: This sounds like an SNL sketch where a doctor has to repay debts to the mob and work for them. But, with the cast alone I’ll check out the pilot. The awesome Jordana Spiro is in the lead (from the fantastic ‘My Boys’, which if you haven’t seen, throw your computer out the nearest window and go watch it now!), with Zach Gilford who we are all contractually obligated to watch whatever he’s in now after he helped bring Matt Saracen into our lives, and William Forsythe who is menacing and awesome in everything.
‘Animal Practice’: I lied, I actually have seen the pilot of this, after NBC pimped it after the Olympics. It’s not AS bad as it sounds, veterinarians with tons of zany animal cameos, but it’s still pretty bad. Tyler Labine is in this though, he’s the fat Will Arnett where all his shows get cancelled prematurely. This probably will too, but then again, people are stupid and love animals.
‘Chicago Fire’: I like anything based around firefighting and I like Dick Wolf, but this doesn’t seem to be clicking for me. I’m guessing this will kinda be like ‘Law & Order’, but with FIRE!!! Taylor Kinney’s in this and I’m hoping he’s playing the same character from ‘Trauma’ (Wait! You mean you never watched ‘Trauma’!).
‘The New Normal’: A full-out half-hour comedy from Ryan Murphy? This should be good. I’ll tune in to see the train wreck unfold.
‘Go On’: I lied again, I’ve seen the pilot of this as well. I enjoyed parts, didn’t like others, but it could become something. I’m betting some re-tooling will happen and it’ll be interesting to see how “dramatic” they go after seeing some relatively darker tones from the pilot.
‘Guys With Kids’: Anthony Anderson and Jamie-Lynn Sigler are cool, but them with kids? Ugh.
‘Revolution’: Another year, another “high-concept show trying to copy ‘Lost’ and piggyback its success”. We’ve been through this before with ‘FlashForward’, ‘The Event’ and ‘Alcatraz’, so going with history, I’ll watch the full first season (where of course it’ll get cancelled after), be mostly disappointed, with a few interesting things to keep me watching until April/May. I’ll see you back here next year with a new “high-concept” drama, I can’t wait! (I can).
Pretty weak year of TV, with only one or two shows sticking out for me, but I guess that’s basically every year. I’m really looking forward ‘Last Resort’ and hoping ‘Vegas’ lives up to it’s perceived potential, that’s it! Also, while writing this I discovered that if you put a pretty girl (or several) in your show, I’m probably gonna at least check out a few episodes just to stare at them for 40 minutes (you know, minus commercials).